You're all probably sick of hearing from me, or probably don't even care about these lame journal updates, but I'm still going to write them. Get over it. Something weird happened to me today. Something I thought would never happen to me in a life time. I GREW UP. From the first day I can remember I was oblivious to the world. I thought everything was going to fall straight into my hand, and I was going to be the happiest person I could be. Dealing with major depression in my early teens (I still have no idea what started it) the feeling of happiness left, but I still thought life was going to be easy. I believed I had life figured out, and I had all these plans. Kind of funny to look back on it today.
Totally derailing the topic..
BUT, today I finally found something new about myself, and about life. My entire life I've never felt genuinely excited. I thought I was very weird because of this. Today I felt excited, I felt welcome, I felt sensitive about EVERYTHING I could think of. Life opened up. It's very hard to put what has happened today into words, but it was just.. odd. Everyday I have been getting up and watching the sun rise. Mostly because my sleep schedule is fucked, but also because of how beautiful it is. While gazing off into the morning sun, it all sank in. My purpose became clear in life, and I think I may be ready to take it on. I don't know why today, but I'm happy it was today. I can finally feel happy like I was as a child. How it all happened so rapidly, that is the real concern.
I also found out how harsh the real world really is. How insensitive people can be to one another. It's like every wrong that has happened to this world was a lie, and everyone sits around joking about it. Sure most of it has to do with the imaginary brain bug called "Maturity", and I too, as a child was very insensitive. But not today, and not anymore.
Hope everyone has been having a wonderful November.